"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..."

Every girl goes through this time in her life, when marriage is suddenly on her mind and to think of it is nervewracking and more than a little scary. Two friends of mine got married this summer. Not two of my best friends, just two good friends, but nevertheless I was slightly uneasy as I watched them say their vows and marry the loves of their lives. That could be me in a few years.

My dad traveled extensively in Europe before dating and marrying my mom. While he was traveling abroad, he sent my mom letters (they had been friends in college), claiming that he just wanted someone to talk to, that she should regard their relationship as strictly a friendship. He even asked her in one of his letters if she had a boyfriend, intending to congratulate her if that was the case. She didn't have one and was in fact starting to grow very attached to my dad, but she didn't tell him that. He kept sending her letters over the next few months, and hilariously, he sent her a fake love note that arrived at her doorstep on Valentine's Day. When he got back from Europe, they started dating, and got married within a few months.

Every time I look at my mom's scrapbook of the letters she received from my dad, I get this crazy longing to have a similar story. For one, I love receiving letters in the mail. Email is great and certainly very convenient, but it just doesn't have that same feel to it as a letter does.

Secondly, I would love to marry someone who is as adventurous and free-spirited as my dad. Someone who isn't afraid to do the out-of-the-ordinary, the things that might make people raise their eyebrows in a quizzical expression. A few examples: he wants to build a putting green on our porch that overlooks the road; he wants to buy a sailboat and sail it in random parts of the world; he started a nonprofit organization that anonymously donates money to people struggling with cancer. If I sat here longer, I could come up with more things. Basically, he's just unpredictable in a very stable way, and I love that about him.

I now have a better understanding of what I need in my future husband. It's great to finally have some clarity about that. I've realized in the past year that I want someone very much like my dad, with a few other traits thrown in that my dad might have but doesn't strongly exhibit.

For instance, I have realized that I absolutely must marry someone who is optimistic. I'm optimistic and idealistic by nature, but I've found that when I'm around people who are negative I take on a lot of that negativity. I don't like who I am when I'm negative, so I'd rather marry someone who is optimistic and happy-go-lucky.

Also, as I said before, I'd love to marry someone who is spontaneous and fun and suggests that he and I go on random "adventures." Someone who is humorous and can make me laugh easily is a huge one.

I'm one who is easily swayed by someone's words. If they can speak eloquently and with conviction, I all too easily believe everything they say and believe that they live it out. Well, that's not always true, so I need to marry someone who--for the most part--does what he says he'll do and acts on his convictions/beliefs. I say "for the most part" because I realize that we all struggle with following through with what we say.

I want to marry someone who I can be friends with first and foremost. Someone who I find it incredibly easy to relate to and carry a conversation with. Recently, I've observed a lot of older couples and the thing that is most apparent to me in their relationship is the strong bond of friendship they enjoy. They aren't as "in love" and passionate as they used to be, but they still very much enjoy each other's company and love each other more deeply than they did decades ago because of everything they've been through together. I want to marry someone who will take an active interest in my interests/hobbies and who will let me do the same for him. I want to marry a best friend, the person I would call up to tell petty everyday things, things that don't even matter in the long run but that are part of my life nonetheless.

I also desperately want honesty and vulnerability with my husband. Not to the point of telling each other every teensy-weensy struggle/concern he or I might have, but just as a daily practice to be open and real with each other.

Selflessness is another huge "must have" for me. Obviously, we all struggle with self-centeredness, and I don't expect the man I marry to be "superhuman" in this area at all. An evident effort to be selfless is good enough for me. And, likewise, I will try to be selfless.

In the past year, I've realized how much a marriage is like a friendship. It's just a more permanent, more lasting, deeper, more intimate bond than the average friendship. But, really, almost all of the major aspects of a marriage are based on friendship. And that's comforting to me for some reason. Maybe because I know that I can be a good friend. I can be there for someone, pray for him, talk to him, be silent with him, reassure him, laugh with him, praise God with him.

Suddenly, the idea of marriage isn't looking nearly as scary as it was a few minutes ago.